On WINNING ROULETTE
A Lucky Ned IncrediSystem

Hello, I'm Lucky Ned! That "lucky" handle is what we gamblers call a misnomer, meaning that I'm not lucky. I'm smart! Smart as the smartest rocket scientist, only my science isn't rockets, it's what the casinos naïvely call "gambling." When I walk into a casino, the owners tremble and hold emergency meetings to figure out how they can stop me before I drain their bank accounts. I'm that smart.

Thanks to my smartness, I have created "systems" for winning at games. I've mastered all kinds of games, from whupping my niece at "Go Fish" to walking away from a blackjack table with every chip in the joint. Because I am not only smart but also very nice I am going to let you in on a few of my secrets for roulette.

Roulette is French for "gentleman's wagering wheel game" and it was used in ancient times when the great Monarch of France would play the game against slaves for their lives. The ball was originally a pebble and the roulette wheel was a square until Jesus Christ finally invented the circle. In those days, the number zero did not exist, neither did any numbers higher than 16. I'm not trying to show off my smarts with this information, I'm just giving a little background that will help you better understand the subtle ins and outs of the "gentleman's wagering wheel game".

The Feeling

Many of you are already aware of my incredible skills of intuition. I sense a good situation and I pounce. I sense a bad situation and I skedaddle. But for the challenging game of roulette, you don't need intuitive abilities as powerful as mine.

Ask any of these so-called mathemeticians about the "feeling" and they will laugh at you? Why? Because they are too busy in their ivory towers to understand that there are forces beyond our small minds. I understand, and you probably do too. I do not need to tell you what the "feeling" is because you will know it when you feel it. You will feel it in your nose. Walk up to any table, get as close as you can, and see what you feel. Trust your nose. If your nose says you'll win, sit down. If your nose says you'll lose, walk away. NOTE TO ADVANCED PLAYERS: You can still play even when you feel you are going to be unlucky. Just bet the opposite of everything you would have otherwise bet.

Some casinos are kind of touchy about letting you get near their roulette wheel. I have been dragged out of a few casinos and the security always says I am not allowed to tamper with gaming equipment, but the truth is THEY'RE AFRAID OF ME and my WINNING METHODS!

So, if the casino keeps you from feeling up the game, and you can't otherwise get a sense of the action, use this 100% ACCURATE METHOD: before betting any of your hard earned money, pick a number and watch to see if it comes up. If it did, this is your lucky wheel. If it didn't, ask yourself if the ball WANTED to land in that hole. Did it feel like it did? If the ball was leaning toward your number it is still a good sign. Let's face it, you won't win every time, YOU'LL ONLY WIN ALMOST EVERY TIME. Put your money on the table and get to work! Can't think of a number? Go here for a suggestion.

How to Play

Roulette requires precise concentration, cat-like agility and the ability to pick winning numbers. The naysayers claim that the way numbers come up on a roulette wheel is random. I say, RANDOM MY ASS! If roulette is so random, how come I'm always such a big winner? WHY HAVE I BEEN FORCIBLY REMOVED FROM CASINOS? And don't use the casino's excuse that I was drunk, unruly, and passed out twice with my head on the black square. I know a smokescreen when I see one. If you are good at the lottery you'll be great at roulette. And with a little practice, you'll GET THROWN OUT OF CASINOS TOO!!

When you get to the roulette wheel, find a seat and sit down. If you cannot find a seat, leave because luck is always better at Roulette when you are sitting. After sitting, give the croupier your cash. Ask for it to be changed for chips. DO NOT TELL THE CROUPIER YOU ARE GOING TO ROB HIM BLIND. This just leads to them keeping a closer eye on you and practicing black magic to counteract your skills. Now that you have your chips, start laying bets.

Types of Bets

I am not professionally trained to understand the different bets in roulette, but I have learned from years and years of hard-earned experience. Even today I still learn a thing or two about the game. For example: DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN BET ON THE TWO GREEN NUMBERS? IT'S TRUE! I just learned this last week.

BLACK	This pays you two for one. If you bet black and win, it will pay back the original bet plus the same amount again. The casinos are suckers for this.
RED	This one is similar to black, but not as good a bet I have never gotten around to counting the number of red or black numbers, but I am pretty sure there are more black. One important thing abut rouletter is that MORE NUMBERS ARE BETTER!!
EVEN	This is like black or red, but you win if you bet even and iif the number comes up even. A pretty good bet when you are feeling lucky, but ODD is better.
ODD	It's like even, but most of the really good numbers are odd, like one and seven. So, if you want to bet odd or even, I highly recommend odd. As I will later explain, multiples of three are good, and every other multiple of three is ODD! YOU WON'T BE A FRAUD BETTING THE ODD!
FIRST 12	You can bet on the first twelve numbres, which are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12. Also, I think 8. I will look tomorrow when I am robbing the casino blind. This one pays you good. The first 12 is a good bet because they come up a lot more than the other numbers.
SECOND 12	A sucker's bet if there ever were one. I hardly ever see these numbers come up, so my advice is to AVOID THE SECOND 12 LIKE THE PLAGUE.
THIRD 12	This group is a pretty risky bunch, but if you bet it and they hit, you will definitely earn the respect of the croupier.
GREEN	A good roulette wheel has a green zero and a green double zero. Some of the casinos are now trying to make wheels with only a single zero. If the casino you are at has only one green spot GET THE HELL OUT! More zeros mean more choice and MORE CHOICE MEANS MORE WAYS TO WIN!! Green isn't a very good bet unless there is an Asian man at the table. Then it is more likely to come up.
A NUMBER	You can bet on any number on the wheel, no matter what color. If it hits, they will pay you loads and loads of chips. I can't remember how many, but I think it has to do with the number. Like, a 31 will pay a lot more than a 14. If you want to play numbers, make sure to bet the high numbers.
MORE THAN ONE NUMBER	You can put chips on the corner of a number so that they touch several number squares. I don't do this unless THAT FEELING COMES FROM MY TUM-TUM because THE WHEEL REWARDS LOYALTY. Playing several numbers at once is the same as having a bunch of mistresses. Also, I am not sure how this works, and sometimes if you ask THE CROUPIER WILL LAUGH AT YOU.

Ned's Super Hot Roulette Secrets

Now you know as much as anyone else that walks up to the roulette wheel. But Lucky Ned doesn't stop there. No! NOW I WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO WIN!!! First off, a lot of players walk up to a roulette wheel and they study it for a long time befpre they sit down to play. They watch what numbers come up to see if there is a pattern. I say SCREW IT! A THINKING ROULETTE PLAYER IS A LOSING ROULETTE PLAYER! Besides, the time you spend watching the wheel could be when you were going to have your biggest win streak ever. DON'T WASTE TIME - SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!

There is a lot of debate among roulette academics that I meet at the tables about numbers that come up often. If a single number comes up several times in a row, some idiots say you should bet it because there is a streak happening. Others, mostly smart people, say to avoid it because it "probably" won't come up again. What the "probably" means is that for every time a number comes up, that means that there is one fewer of that number left in the ball. You see, something called "probability" dictates that every ball must land in every slot the exact same number of times. So, if a ball lands on six five times in a row, it has that many fewer sixes left in it. AVOID NUMBERS THAT COME UP OFTEN AND THE CASINO WILL BE COUGHIN' up dough.

Can the opposite be said of numbers that don't come up much? HELL YES! Those poor little balls are just juiced with the numbers that never come up, and they are itchin' to come out. IF YOU HAVEN"T SEEN IT, YOU'RE GONNA WIN IT!

AVOID THE GREENS unless you really have that good feeling. You see, the greens are like substitute players in a football game. They aren't used as often as other numbers, and the ball avoids them unless it is tired and can't go anywhere else. Most balls have a lot of energy and rarely need to use the green numbers.

Numbers that can be divided by three are by far the luckiest! Why, because three is a very lucky number.

Now then, I have been playing for a long, long time and I have made a few observations. First off, never bet the 14. That little bastard will just break your heart. For the past couple of months, the three and six have been pretty absent from my games and I think they are just about to bust loose. I recommend them both. Print out the following table to carry with you. It helps you make decisions at the table.

0 If you have to look here, you haven't been paying attention.

00 Well, I guess it's the lesser of two evils.

1 A good number, but I've noticed it coming up a lot lately.	2 Are you feeling lucky?	3 As good a number as this game offers.
4 Even numbers aren't always so great. Play with caution.	5 A good backup if someone is alreadybetting the three.	6 Black, multiple of three. Now if only it were odd...
7 Some swear by it. If it has importance to you, give it a shot.	8 Works great for girls!	9 Hasn't been coming up lately. Must be overdue.
10 This ten ain't no ten for luck.	11 I play it on Sundays. Might be good on holidays, too.	12 Play this number on a hunch only.
13 Definitely as unlucky as scientists say.	14 Never ever play! Bad Luck!	15 Tricky number. For advanced players only!
16 Eh. I've seen better.	17 Way, way, way overdue.	18 This number has come up too often at Excalibur.
19 No Data. Accidentally got drunk when researching.	20 20/20 vision says to try this one if 6 isn't working for you.	21 Works in keno and blackjack, why not here?
22 For legal reasons I cannot comment on 22 right now.	23 A sleeper. Pays off for me if I don't play it too much.	24 Overused.
25 Works best in combination with small numbers.	26 I'm getting tired.	27 Wait for new croupier before playing.
28 Comes up all the time. Might be all tapped out.	29 Feelin' fine with 29. My secret hot pick of the week.	30 Even and red make for a dangerous combination.
31 Better than 14, but that isn't saying much.	32 Now you're just desperate. Go back and try 9 again.	33 It's a good number, but expects a lot of loyalty from you.
34 It's the 3 of the upper board!	35 If you play it with genuine goodness and no greed it might pay well.	36 They just put this on the wheel to make it symmetrical. It's for suckers.

Etiquette

Look, nobody is going to yell at you if you are a little bit rude at the table. But, GOOD MANNERS ARE ONE OF THE KEYS TO WINNING. If someone else at the table has already "staked" a number, do not be so presumptuous as to think you may play it too. The game is sensitive to such maneuverings and may punish both players for such behavior.t Similarly, if you are playing a number and someone tries to horn in on your action, firmly but politely say "I was already playing that number." Then, push the other person's chips aside. If this escalates into an argument, as it often does with ignoramuses, any croupier worth his weight in salt will stand up for you.

Practicing Your Skills

You don't need a Roulette wheel in your house ito practice your new roulette skills. Here is something I do to practice any time I have free moment, like on the bus or while waiting for my dinner to heat up. I pick what I think is the winning number , and then I pretend to spin a wheel in my head. I then watch the wheel spin in my head and if it lands on the number I picked, I am winner. The more I practice at this, the more often I can correctly pick the winner. For a sense of realism, carry some gambling chips in your pocket and finger them while the wheel in you head is spinning.

That's all the Roulette advice I can give you now. I will update this site if any of the hot numbers change.

Incredigaming to you and yours,

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