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The Japanese Form - Devalued

Nothing goes better with Las Vegas than the beauty and austere minimalism of an ancient poetic form and the cheap buffets, smoky halls and strippers of Las Vegas. In the spirit of both grabbing and giving, we present to you our growing collection of Las Vegas Haiku.

A Tribute to the Once Glittering Gold Spike


My Gold Spike T-shirt
was material thin as
reflected sunlight.


A bona fide mine?
Copper pennies once were king
Sadly, it's all gone


Balcony, no clothes
An accordionist wails
Neighbor pounds the wall.


Drunks in the Cafe?
Reliable as daybreak
But pie cures it all.


Sexy blackjack, oops!
'ocals win, Jackie once said
Phil's got it on tape.


Grew up in the Spike
Or it gave me a new life.
Bed bugs still with me.

Other Haikus


Penny slots are gone
I feel I've lost my father
Oh waitress! Drink please.

Where'd I put my slacks?
The Sahara porte cochere?
I'll gamble pantless.

C'mon, eat the crab
Allergic? Don't be a wuss
Whoa, you're turning blue.

Klondike Peppermill
Gold Spike Hotel Nev Western
Where do dollars go?

Chip dirt under nails
Ancient smoke soaked in my clothes
Bloodshot, not my blood

These trips remind me
How special a friend you are
Loan me some money.

Left to die out here
In the desert near Lake Mead
Don't tease the strippers

Smells sort of clean here
And check out the show in front
6 to 5? Screw that

Take the glass with you
Take it from one place to next
Smash it for defense

The view from up here
Is spectacular. See all
Houses with no roofs

Giant pyramid
Reveals the mysteries of
Tired, ancient H-VAC

Traffic is tangled
Revelers and commuters
Versus stumbling drunks

Buffet sneezing fit
Drippy, snotty all over
Dig down for clean shrimp

Meow, meow. Look!
I'm a pussycat dealer
Blackjacks and blowjobs.

I miss quarter craps
Getting hissed at by men with

Saw man hit by car
But was late to place a bet on
the big baseball game

Guy with cracked glasses
at Western: "If you're tourin'
You're in the wrong place."

Pockets full of small
L iquor bottles. Threw up, broke my
finger: Reno's fun too

Old ladies are still
Not amused by our stunts, now
we're almost their age.


Dawn in Las Vegas.
It feels empty, hung-over,
deserted and broke.

A sleepy sun lights
the layer of dust swirling
over parking lots.

A smudged highball glass
glints in the gutter. A Coke
cup rolls in a breeze.

Suddenly erupts
a volcano! The nearby
lake catches on fire!

Then, for “Lucky” Ned,
a magical noise begins:

Follow the rainbow
to its terminus. There dwells
Mr. O'Lucky.

Craps at Joker's Wild
Comes with poetic rants from
A repentant drunk.


With Aztec coupon
Phil wants more than free photo
snags bags of money

Beef Tongue hangs 'em high
Stevie knuckles bones on felt
Mad Geek tags old man

"Field's my friend," she says
"Wild Thing!" Wally yells, "Wild Thing!"
then Bagels craps out

Basket o' Burgers
"Oh, they're nasty," says waiter
Shakes gobbles them all

Gary gets some pop
Newspapers on air mattress
Wacky in desert

Stupak rocket car
Dixie cups, wrong-way dealers
Little Caesar's gone

Ja, lederhosen
Oom pah pah in The Plaza
German Mardi Gras

Greedy VIPs
Are you Matthew or Richard?
Vegas World Manor

Look! Major cleavage!
Mary swears like a sailor
No breakfast, Jerry


The burgers and fries
Tasty nasty and filling
A challenge is born

The first dish ready
Inhale the burgers so warm
Healthy, this is not

A full plate arrives
Open gut, down easily
The fries piled so high

The third tower gels
Every bite, compacts slowly
All watch, all eaten

Must walk so slowly
Holding distended belly
A bench to lie on

A short Plaza stroll
Fries and meat splash on sidewalk
This moment feels good

The audience pays
Yes, I will do anything
For thirty dollars


Staggering back from
The El Co at 3am
I do not feel pain

You people are the
Most pedestrian that man
Has ever laid there

Three kings on the flop
I raise, he calls.  Damn bastard
Fills on the river

Lost enough money
One thing left to do: buy porn
The sky gets lighter

Man!  You are a pig!
Oh, excuse me, ma'am.  I thought
You were someone else

Empty eye socket
No patch, says, "Relief" while at
The next urinal

She knows what I want
Without asking, another
SoCo on the rocks

How do old ladies
play keno in Las Vegas
while writing haiku?

Fascinating things
Can be learned here, example:
Gemni's life story

Smells like spoiled sausage
In a dirty ash tray, in
A biker's armpit

Are you gay?  But we're
Here to have fun tonight, that's
The important thing

We need a new word
That means upgrading something
While making it worse

Pleased to meet you, miss
Allow me to say, you have
Some very nice tits

Gold Spike snack bar, late
"I have it on tape, fucker!"
Patrons turn to see

B-10, I-18,
Free, G-47, 0-
68, Bingo!

Not an all-nude show.
We're only interested
in the ice skating.

Bare-breasted mermaids
Squirt water from their nipples
Poseidon looks on

At Little Caesar's
They deal blackjack backwards and
Pay on twenty-two

Jimmy Guy is here
Allen, Rossi, E.P. King
Piano Princess

Every minute
We're not gambling, is money
Out of our pockets

Bob Stupak tells us:
Never gamble more than you
Can afford to win

We annoy patrons
And employees of the Spike
Yet they don't stop us


The Gold Spike Diner
For the drunk and wide-awake
Consume with caution.

Wally and Peaches
Together, rolling the dice
That's what I call love

First playing small rooms
Then, on to the bigger crowds
Cook E. is a star!

Ghizal, get your shake
I will wait right here for Phil
He's still in the john

Down from the penthouse
Jackie checks up on his guests
Roots for them to lose

I've crapped out again
Time for a second mortgage
Damn, I'm addicted

Shrimp, pie, and "the Bone"
Generous offers, indeed
I'm still not going.

Oh, sexy blackjack!
Can it be at the Gold Spike?
Prayers are answered.


Drunk Phil With His Pipe
How are Teen Girls on Fremont?
Off Phil Goes With Them

The Main Street Buffet
This Must Be What Heaven Is
Just With More Fried Shrimp

Driving On Fifteen
Phil Tells Rosemary Story
We're going to Crash

Late Night Is For Pie
Along with Local Color
Don't Threaten The Help

Standing in Elevator
Enter the one called String Cheese
Phil's question answered

How We Love Downtown
No Matter How Bad The Smell
More Dollar Hot Dogs

Missing Vegas World
Free Drinks for all your Sorrows
More Late Nite So Co

Prepare To Be Great
The Solar System Series
Burt's Head The Grand Prize


The Gold Spike suite has
Communal balconies and
Phil’s pants on the floor

Door stays closed to us
and them with coat hanger tools
“we were not trying”

“Shut the fuck up and
Get back from my door. I can’t
Hear my loud TV”

Canadian ass
who so easily beat matt
arrives to help us

Back in the penthouse
Teen mags in the microwave
Carpet smells like horse.


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