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Break out the finest duds and wipe the spittle off your chin, we're goin' a drinkin', smokin', cussin' and a'gamblin'! Yep, it's time for the Big Empire's 11th Annual Cocktail Soiree. Eleventh? Yeah, we can't believe it either, and it lowers the arrest per Soiree average to one a year. This year, the festivities take place in glorious, decadent downtown Las Vegas, Nevada. We considered Salt Lake City for this year, but decided we didn't like its casinos as much. So, we're back where it all started. The city's elders are cleaning the grime off Fremont Street and making it safe for tourists again. Let's see if we can't undo all their handiwork in one weekend. The Soiree Weekend is June 13-15, 2008. Here's what you can look forward to (or dread):
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The
Second Annual Big Empire Sigma Derby Handicapper's Challenge
- Friday June 13, 1:00 A.M. - Technically, this is Saturday
morning, but everyone's clock is a little screwed up in Vegas,
so let's call it Friday night, shall we? The world's greatest
mechanical horse handicappers will be convening at Las Vegas'
last Sigma Derby machine inside the MGM Grand at 1:00
AM to compete in three heats of eight horse bettors each. Each
of the experts will start with $5 of his or her own to bet on
1-20 races using his or her precise calculations. Whoever walks
away with the most quarters will spend a year treating loved
ones with the winnings, and in glorious adulation as the Best
of the Best . The winner also holds--for one year--the lovely
trophy currently in the possession of the formidable 2007 champion
Lethargio (see right). The champ's name can be engraved on the
trophy for eternity. The Handicapper's Challenge is By Invitation
Only. If you have participated in the past, 
The
Eighth Annual Solar System Series of Poker - Saturday,
June 14, Noon - Prepare to do battle with nothing but your
wits, your cards, your chips, a broken bottle and a homemade
shiv. Sorry, no guns! This year's event will take place at the
Gold Coast Hotel. The SSSOP is frequently referred to
as the most prestigious poker tournament in the world by none
other than its founder! It is a Texas Hold 'Em Freezeout tournament
that is restricted to only accomplished professionals with the
$15 to enter. All entry fees go into the prize pool, and each
entrant gets a commemorative T-shirt. In three previous SSSOPs
the Ultimate Champion has come under extreme scrutiny for alleged
cheating, double-dealing and backroom gladhanding. That will
not happen this year! In 2008, we hope to crown a new cheater
as champ. Registration for the SSSOP is open first to previous
competitors. All seats are taken.
The
11th Annual Big Empire Cocktail Soiree - Saturday, June 14 8:00
P.M. - Have a drink with us. Or have two. We won't say
it's a party, but it is a large, informal gathering of folks,
and we'll be there. Something crazy almost always happens. The
plan is to meet at the Main Street Station Bar at 8 p.m.
on Saturday, June 14. Enjoy fine ambience and fresh microbrew
in the quaint (until we get there) victorian bar. This is a
swell opportunity to meet the folks behind the Big Empire, as well as other Las Vegas aficionados. Have an
enemy you want serve with a lawsuit? This is the place! As always,
you are asked to dress sartorially. Sartorial Splendor is a
tradition and not a contest. Neither is it a costume parade.
Folks, There is no wagering (unless we get a piece of the action).
This is simply your opportunity to let your id dress your ego
and immerse yourself in the Vegas spirit. The goal is to dress
the way a Vegas lover would dress. A Vegas lover with worse
taste than you, that is. Important Note: Main Street is the
plan, however, check back here before June 14 to make sure it
doesn't change.
The
Evening Devolves into Debauchery - Sometime late in the
evening, the Soiree will be over and you won't be ready to sleep.
Join us as we crawl downtown looking for cheap craps and blackjack,
or members of the opposite sex to chat up, or to drink more
than our bellies can hold. Enter a 2 A.M. poker tournament,
eat pie at the Gold Spike, redeem a funbook coupon, watch a
Las Vegas sunrise, engage a hooker in illicit activities, or
do whatever other hijinks you can think of.. Don't rest until
you've either won every dollar from every Las Vegas casino or
the sun comes up on a Sunday morning -- whichever's first. Either
way, we'll be asking for a loan, so leave us your number.