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Patricia Arquette
couldn't act her way through on open fucking doorway. Jesus Christ,
she's been given plenty of chances to show us that she can do
something, anything, other than flat line-readings. In 1999,
she could have scored with the mind-numbingly boring "Hi-Lo
Country," but she didn't even seem convinced herself that
two guys would fight over her. Her attempts at being seductive
were about as arousing as Bert coming on to Ernie. Then, in "Goodbye,
Lover" she wandered about confused as to whether she was
in a movie or ordering coffee at Starbuck's. I mean, she was
fucking clueless. Finally, in "Stigmata," she alternated
between screaming and lame pauses. Not for one minute in any
of these did she believe in the character she played, and neither
did I. Nice tits don't cut it, Patty.
If they did, Heather Graham wouldn't be
getting an honorable mention for her clueless tittering in "Bowfinger"
and "Austin Powers." There is one scene in Bowfinger
where she chases a car out of a driveway that is proof positive
that she not only can't act, but she doesn't even understand
how to be funny. Even when given good material. I suspect that
she's just plain dumb.
If either of these ladies want to make
it in Hollywood, they better start taking their tops off more
often.
Return to the
Ceremony.
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