Ferrell specializes in cocky, clueless morons with qa soft side.
They arecharacters who aren't as sophisticated, smart, handsome
or charming as they think they are. The jokes come from the
huge gap between the way we perceive the characters and how
they perceive themselves. It's a classic comic premise. Steve
Martin used it, Eugene Levy's Bobby Bittman used it. My retard
cousin Larry could make me wet myself with laughter every time
he wears an ascot and asks if his beef wellington is ready.
I stopped having the urge to piss my pants after about the tenth
time Larry did his Charles Nelson Reilly, and he's still doing
it. He's retarded, for real. He's not a Hollywood actor trying
to win an award for acting stupid, neither is he someone looking
for a handout. He's a full-grown man who likes Chef Boy-ar-Dee
straight from the can, has never kissed anyone except a gerbil
(which he accidentally ate during a makeout session) and lives
in a group home with an abusive woman and a cat that has tried
to suffocate him twice.
point is that as retarded as Larry is, I have stopped laughing
at him, even out of charity (sympathy, I just learned, is not
tax deductible). I'm starting to feel the same way about Will
Ferrell. How many fucking times is he going to play the same
fucking character and expect us to fucking laugh? In Semi-Pro,
he plays Jackie Moon, who is a 70s version of the early 80s
Ron Burgundy from Anchorman. That is, a soft-bellied,
oversexed doofus. The jokes are exactly the same: funny clothes,
exaggerated swinger style, semi-nudity, bad music and the slow
dimming realization that he is incompetent. Oh, but he's lovable.
At least Jackie Moon, who is the same as Ron Burgundy, is different
from Frank the Tank from Old School, because that guy
was in the present, even if he was a sweet moron who took off
his clothes. Blades of Glory? Same shit, different ticket
to get in.
Ferrell is just treading water in the two-foot kiddie pool with
Semi-Pro. It stinks like a sock stuffed with shit that's
been sitting under the mattress for a few weeks. I think all
of us who have ever been too drunk to get out of bed when nature
calls know exactly what the smells like. Will Ferrell has gone
from being a clever comedian who had a hand in shaping his roles,
to a fat, lazy Hollywood actor who hires out to the shittiest,
highest-paying turdpile available. He went from a guy who wanted
to make good movies, to a guy who wanted to make money. Rather
than look at a script and say, "This can be funny. What if we
did this, or this?", he now maybe reads a script and then says
"Yeah, I can do that. Hell, I've already done it five times."
fucking hate that. I hate when smart and funny people stop trying
and start listening to the advice of unfunny, money-grubbing
assholes like agents and grassfuckers. At least my retard cousin
Larry does the same thing over and over by his own choice, and
not for profit.
is always the excuse, "I'm just giving the people what they
want." Maybe that's what Ferrell uses to sleep at night. I say,
fuck the people. Deep down, a funny person knows if something
is quality and it has nothing to do with what others laugh at.
A good comic should make people laugh and still hate himself
for being so weak. Only bad comics with no interest in being
truly funny or innovaitve justify themselves by claiming to
be giving the people what they want. After all, if that was
the only thing that mattered, we'd have forty cable channels
showing people getting hit in the nuts with softballs. As it
is, I think we only have about ten.
plot of Semi-Pro is pretty irrelevant. Some bullshit
about Ferrell owning a struggling basketball team that may merge
with the NBA if they stop sucking so much. So, they do. The
team is populated by the most indistinguishable nobodies since
"wet t-shirt" night at the Tavern. Andre (3000) Benjamin continues
to be the worst actor you hear way too much about. Leave it
to the grassfuckers to think that they can hip up a pile of
turd by putting a rock star in it. It's because they are too
fucking clueless to know that just hanging around with cool
people doesn't make them cool, too. Maura Tierney and Woody
Harrelson have a romantic subplot that's as dead as Elizabeth
Taylor. It's there, but dessicated, bloated, limp, ancient and
horrifying to watch. Will Arnett, Rob Corddry, Matt Walsh and
Andy Richter also appear in the movie without having a single
funny thing to do. Maybe they were supposed to do something
funny, but the sorry-ass direction botched it like a Tijuana
of course, Ferrell and the other players learn a valuable lesson
about themselves, win the big game and everyone gets what they
wanted . I have no fucking clue why someone would make what's
supposed to be a parody of a sports movie and then be so God
damn lazy as toresort to every tired-ass sports movie clichÈ
imaginable. Actually, I can. It happens when people think they
want to make a parody, but they're too fucking stupid to do
is rated R. Don't think this movie has nudity in it. It has
none. It just liberally sprinkles the word "fuck" about. Not
that there is anything wrong with that fine word, but as long
as you're getting an R, why not be raunchy? Why the fuck make
a PG-13 movie and then add a lot of fucks to bump it up to R?
Maybe it's a marketing tactic. It sure as hell aisn't a case
of artistic freedom, because this ain't art.
is an all-pro pile of crap. Don't see it in a theater, don't
wait for it on cable. Maybe some day you can watch it over a
shoulder on someone else's iPod. Mr. Ferrell, get your head
out of your ass, try working with some new people, and start
having some standards again. One finger.
to tell Filthy Something?