like golfers and cat lovers, are among the most boring, self-involved
assholes on earth. These fuckers haven't contributed any more
to society than "High Times", smelly faux hippies in ugly hemp
clothes and a slew of awful comedies, yet they strut around like
the biggest shit in the outhouse. And they bore the piss right
out of my dick.
because they're the only ones with no clue how fucking tiresome
and repetitive they are (in fact, I guarantee every jackass stoner
that reads this won't think I mean him, and half will write to
tell me that Half-Baked is a great movie ‚ that's how fucking
retarded they are). You guys are so fucking boring and obvious
I'm surprised there isn't a NewYorker collection of pot
cartoons and a "Chicken Soup for the Stoner's Soul" so all the
relatives you alienate with your tedium know what to buy for your
and Kumar Go to White Castle is a perfect example of the low
expectations and sloppy shit that passes for comedy among stoners.
Maybe there is a funny comedy to be made about the munchies, but
this one ain't it. It'll be regarded by them the way Baptists
regard a really crappy Christian movie. The Baptists won't criticize
a portrayal of Jesus, even if he's shown wearing a Timex, and
the stoners won't criticize Harold and Kumar no matter how painfully
bad the acting or unfunny the gags. It's about getting stoned,
dude! How cool is that?
The gags are
painfully unfunny, and the acting is brutally bad. Like having
your nuts caught in a salad shooter, or a ballpeen hammer slammed
into your temples. This is amateur hour horseshit starring two
whiny college-aged kids whose appeal is based solely on the fact
that they are not ethnic stereotypes. And maybe the movie would
get points for using an Indian and Asian as stoners if it didn't
lazily surround them with other stereotypes. An Indian working
a convenience store, Indian doctors and math-whiz Asians. This
sort of shallow writing only makes the attempt to break other
stereotypes feel convenient.
now that I think about it, even Kumar (Kal Penn) and Harold (John
Cho) are stereotypes; they just smoke pot. To other stoners, that's
probably all that's needed to make them cool and interesting.
Fuck, if stoners knew Hitler smoked weed they'd think he was cool
too. Never mind the Holocaust, dude, he toked!
John Cho is
a straitlaced, anal quiet Korean investment analyst who drives
a Camry. He also likes to get stoned, every fucking night. Kal
Penn is his "wild" Indian friend with father and brother doctors
and a high aptitude for medicine. Except, he'd rather get stoned.
How fucking hilarious. One night, when Cho needs to do some extra
work, and Penn needs to prepare for a medical school interview,
they get stoned and decide they need White Castle burgers. Nothing
else will do, and so their all-night, homophobic adventure begins.
actually, is a string of sketches about desperation, getting stoned,
losing pot and other silliness. Each suggests it was written by
a high school virgin obsessed with boobies and afraid of homosexuality.
The movie doesn't even attempt to make a woman any more than her
looks. It doesn't give the asshole protagonists any reason to
exist. In fact, at one particularly amateurish moment, one of
the leads has to explain to the other that the night is about
more than just getting burgers. No fucking shit. It's like the
writer was afraid he had to spell out even that obvious point.
Penn and Cho
are horrible actors. Penn seems so desperate to be charming that
he says everything ten decibels too loud and with one notch too
much manic energy. Lee has the acting range of a vegetable crisper.
The kind with moldy water at the bottom. He's got no charisma.
The adventures play out flatter than a drunkard's ass. The only
thing that gives the illusion of energy is the loud volume and
manically bad acting. The movie stoop to such lame-ass shit as
a wild raccoon loose in the car, and Cho and Penn riding a digitally-animated
cheetah. There's homo jokes aplenty, and even more about how great
it is to be high. Yeah, yeah, we know, but what ain't great is
seeing two assholes on screen telling us that.
is as packed with as many Z-level appearances as a celebrity slot
tournament in Vegas. These are folks whose face you will sort
of recognize from something you once whizzed past on TV. Unless
you're a big fan of the UPN or "Mad TV" you're unllikely to get
a laugh seeing these hacks play against type. The only funny bit
is Neil Patrick Harris who plays himself as sex-crazed and stoned
and Kumar Go To White Castle is 90 minutes long, but holy
shit if it doesn't feel a hell of a lot longer. It goes on and
on like the Harelip about her cankers. I'm sure some stoners will
think this shit is hilarious, but remember, there are golfers
who liked Bagger Vance and cat lovers who saw Garfield.
A boring fucking lot.
for Harold and Kumar. Hell, go rent a Cheech and Chong
movie. It's cheaper and if you're the kind of jackass who likes
this shit they're all hilarious anyway.
Filthy || Want to tell Filthy