Girlfriendstealer.com- The Shandis Campaign was nothing short of exultant this week after they declared Mr. Randy Shandis stole Fozano's number one lady-friend, Ms. Nikki Bigguns. The steal occurred after a three month courting process, all conducted directly "under the nose of Al Fozano."
"Nikki deserved so much better than the Foz," boasted Shandis. "She's a classy lady and she doesn't need a jackass like Fozano ruining her evenings."
Shandis bombarded Ms. Bigguns with a wide range of romantic tactics, including moonlit limousine rides, candle-lit dinners at the Shandis compound, red roses waiting for her backstage at work after a hard night of lap-dancing, strong sedatives and harrassing phone calls.
"Quite frankly," said Shandis, "I didn't treat her any different than I treat any lady I want to poke. And now she's my special someone. I think that having a hot chick like this by my side will show the female voters out there that I mean business. I bet the ladies vote Shandis now for sure."
The Shandis Campaign hopes so. Their candidate's "more free pornography" platform has won him 86% approval among men and only 4% among women. Shandis's first attempt to attract the female vote, his ill-advised "Two Chicks Getting It On Is Hot" series of commercials was deemed a massive failure.
Al "The Foz" Fozano is indifferent, or at least is acting indifferent, to the incident. "Easy come, easy go," shrugged Fozano when asked by reporters. "I wish Shandis the best of luck, and I want to remind my ex-girlfriend Ms. Bigguns to wear a condom if she has sex with that disgusting pig. God knows where his doodle's been." Fozano said that other than having to scratch her name off the passenger side of his tricked-out pickup truck, and airbrushing in another lady's name, there would be little long-term consequence to the girlfriend stealing.
Mrs. Shandis is apparently not as pleased with this turn of events as her husband. "He's a worthless skunk," declared Mrs. Shandis. "I've long suspected him of cheating, but with such a two-bit whore as Ms. Bigguns? Gag. Regardless, my husband will still make the best Mayor of the Internet." Critics say Mrs. Shandis plans to leverage her husband's title of Mayor to shoehorn her way into the online home decoration business. "I'm out to get that two-bit whore Martha Stewart," she has said.
Mrs. Shandis's comments were followed by a bloody catfight between her and Ms. Bigguns.
