apb.com- Al "Foz" Fozano disrupted a sumptuous press dinner given by the Shandis Campaign when he announced that he was collecting information regarding his opponent's "shady dealings."
"Did I say shady?" asked Fozano, rhetorically. "Downright dark and dirty, like the stuff you'll find at the bottom of that big pile of underwear in Shandis's closet. He knows where the underwear are. They're right behind the skeletons." Fozano held up a manila file that was empty and waved it before him.
"This is my file of wrongdoings by Shandis," shouted Fozano as he climbed on a dinner table. "By the time I am done, it will be more than a full half-inch think with documentation of Shandis's shadiness."
When asked what he had uncovered thus far, Fozano said sternly, "Nothing. But I'm going to. I hired a private detective over the Internet and he's digging away. Do you smell that smell? That's not my gas, that's the odor of the unearthed crimes of Randy Shandis."
After a cheescake dessert served by the sexy Shandettes, Randy Shandis addressed Fozano's latest charges. "I can't believe he has nothing for his file. Even my most incompetent oppoonents have been unable to unearth a few convictions for extortion or robbery. Then there was the SEC lawsuit."
"The bottom line is: the public has to ask themselves whether they want to elect a prissy mama's boy like Fozano, who has not only never tried heroin himself, but hasn't even sold it, or whether they want someone who admits to his crimes after the statute of limitations expires. Do they want a coward or a man who can cheat the elderly and get away with it? I have committed thousands of heinous crimes and I've gotten away with almost all of them. That's because I am smart. Not shady, just smart.
"I'll let the people decide." said Shandis, who then returned to the kitchen where he stuffed his nose full of high-quality Colombian cocaine.
