Seagrams.com- After a coincidental meeting with Al "The Foz" Fozano at Chi Chi's Lounge this week, Mayor Randy Shandis slurred praise for his opponent. The praise was apparently fueled by dozens of frozen 99¢ margaritas, and Shandis repeatedly stated that the banana-flavored concoctions were the most delicious.
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The campaign managers meet in a single brief monment of civility. It was followed by a desperate attempt to ride themselves of cooties. |
"Al Fozano is my best friend," said Shandis to reporters. "He's the only person in the world who understands me. Stop spinning."
Shandis continued, "I don't feel so good."
Witnesses inside Chi Chi's said that the two Mayoral candidates at first sat at opposite ends of the lounge, giving each other the evil eye. The two did not plan to meet at the bar, but both admitted to being drawn by cheap booze and the occasional display of nudity by the tavern's female patrons. After Fozano had polished off a pitcher of margaritas and Shandis had downed several shots of bottom shelf tequila, they both began singing along with the juke box when it played "Bad Medicine" by Jon Bon Jovi.
"Soon enough," reported barmaid Kelly Sperling, "they had their arms around each other and they were belting out Bruce Springsteen's 'Glory Days.' I would have to say that Mr. Shandis knew the words better."
The two candidates huddled at a booth and discussed politics and kicked field goals through each other's upright fingers with a wadded piece of paper. Their strategy session went late into the evening, with Mr. Shandis repeatedly asking the lounge staff to tell his wife he was not there.
"Foz was so nice to me," Shandis told reporters as he broke into tears. "Oh my God, he completely and totally understands what I am going through, about how my wife thinks I'm a drunk and I'm not because I can quit any time I want and I want to go fishing and we're going to do that and then we were talking about how much it hurt to have our wisdom teeth out."
Fighting back tears, Shandis repeated, "He's, like, my best friend."
Meanwhile, the warring factions within the two campaigns met in Las Vegas, Nevada for the first Internet Mayoral primaries. Campaign manager for the Fozano campaign made a jackass of himself at Randy Shandis's ice cream social by crashing the party and glad-handing the unsuspecting. Fozano's Deputy Director Slotsy spent the majority of his time locked in a bathroom, presumable snorting cocaine.
The Las Vegas primary was handily won by the Randy Shandis.
