drkoop.com- Randy Shandis called an emergency press conference this week to announce that he will no longer leave Fozano's balls out of his Mayor of the Internet campaign. He said that recent actions by his opponent have meant that the "genitalia treaty" that he and Fozano agreed to is void.
"I will have Al Fozano's balls in a vise before the week is over," swore Shandis. "I want him to know that when I promised to focus on the issues I meant I would so long as Fozano did. But Fozano's recent questioning of my record for public service goes way beyond mud-slinging."
Shandis referred to Fozano's recent commercials in the Northwest United States that questioned whether Shandis has the experience in public service to serve as mayor. The commercials point out that Shandis has never held a public office, but has been arrested for making violent threats at public meetings.
"This is exactly the type of dirty campaigning that I thought we could avoid, but apparently my child-molesting, drunken opponent can't resist a cheap shot. Well, I'm here to tell people that Al Fozano has tiny balls and I am going to crush them. I'm going to put them in a rusty vise while they are still attached to him, then I will crank the vise tighter and tighter until Fozano's balls burst like water balloons and his ball juice splatters everywhere."
Fozano was surprised by Shandis's latest tactic. "Again with the balls? Shandis was once given a restraining order, not against me, but against my balls. And, the record will show that in 1997 he distributed a manuscript titled 'Fozano's Balls' to several publishers. I don't know what his obsession is."
Fozano swore not to alter his campaign to respond to the Shandis's ball offensive. "We will continue to run a clean campaign, emphasizing my abilities, Shandis's lack of experience, and how he likes to pleasure himself in public and beat animals."
