- "Without a mayor the Internet will become a wild, unregulated frontier" threatened Randy Shandis this week after the Official Internet Election Committee said that no winner of the Mayoral election would be chosen until a cout helped decide who it should be. The election resulted in "None of the Above" receiving the most votes.

"I will warn you now," threatened Shandis while gripping a reporter around the neck, "the Internet may become a place for pedophiles and con artists if we don't be careful. I want to be Mayor and I will legitimize the pedophiles and con artists."

Mr. Shandis insisted that he did not lose the election and that regardlss of the Election Committee's final decision or what the public wants, he may place himself in control of the Internet.

"I have the address of the Internet building and I know there is fifteen minutes every day where the security guards go on break. I may take siege if the popular vote does not go my way. That's what the people would want."

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