Pyromaniac.com- While firefighters from across the nation battled to contain the blazes in Montana this week, Internet Mayoral candidate Al "The Foz" Fozano started fires in Wyoming. Using a gas tanker and a Bic Lighter, Fozano doused several dry fields and lit them.
Standing back from his work and wiping the sweat from his brow, Fozano said "Big fires sure are pretty. And I feel like a king when I start them."
When asked how he felt about having created a critical situation throughout Montana, Fozano simple beamed with pride. His aides passed out a pamphlet that explained that most of Fozano's pryomaniacal tendencies stem from his rejection by a metropolitan fire department at an ealy age. Fozano was not selected because he lacked the "moral fiber and courage, as well as any sort of muscles."
Randy Shandis, no stranger to good publicity at his opponent's expense, took the opportunity to announce the establishment of "Randy's Kids" a charity that will help young children fulfill their dreams of working the front lines of out-of-control forest fires. "Finally, thanks to my generosity," Said a Shandis press release, "children as young as five will be able to enjoy the thrill of dousing sixty-foot flames.
Shandis said that because the prgram was new, there weren't many children volunteering for the first year's program. Instead, Shandis has acquired hundreds of youngsters from South American orphanages, and they will be set loose in the woods of Montana with buckets and shovels. Shandis said that the amount of money he is paid by the Federal Government for providing firefighters barely covers the cost of smuggling the children into the states and his profits.
"It's an act of love," said Shandis.
Shandis also vowed that, if elected, he will give a small portion of his mayoral graft to firefighting efforts.
