August 3, 1999
A Very Special Episode II
Don't let Ruthie's highspirited hijinks fool you, my little blossoms. As much as she may frolic on the beach with her housemates, she's a little too intimate with the pesty Demon of Intemperance. And Matt has problems, too. When Ruthie writes "I (heart) Jess" in the sand, Matt's wee heart is just breaking. Why, oh, why didn't she write "I (heart) Matt"?
Matt trails Ruthie like her own personal border collie. He even sacrifices his own sobriety in order to slyly dispose of one of her wicked beverages. Oh the humanity! Of course, it doesn't help the situation when Justin suggests that he and Ruthie "get bombed" before the club-hopping even begins. That's like asking me if I want to finish off this pesky half-gallon of Rocky Road right before a seven-course meal. I know it's not healthy, and I know I'll regret it, but how can I not want it all, darlings?
In the course of the evening, Matt tells Miss Heineken 1999 that he'll pay for a cab to take them home, but then he stands idly by as she and her pals discuss who will play chauffeur. Ruthie's friends all know better than to accept the keys, but Ruthie gets her sweaty little mitts on the keys and immediately swerves into action. Lilla the director tries to convince Ruthie to give up the keys, but only receives a blase "Whatever" from the lushy lady. It's her way, or the highway, Lilla!
Screee! The Production Van is hot on Ruthie's tail. It's a Real World chase scene! We don't get many of those, dearies. The crew calls the Head Puppetmaster, aka Supervising Producer Matt Kunitz, and gives him the action-packed scoop. And the mysterious maestro of malevolence decides that he must step in.
Mr. Kunitz and mightily-browed Russell the director meet with a reluctant Ruthie to discuss what the consequences of her reckless joyride will be. "We want you around," they assure Ruthie, "we just think you need help." To this end, they require Ruthie to see an addiction counselor a few times a week. If she doesn't comply, she gets an express ticket back to obscurity. Ruthie's reply is simple enough; "That it?" she mutters as she stalks off.
It's clear that Ruthie wants no interference from any namby-pamby counselor, or show producer, or housemate. She is hereby officially "pissed". She makes no apologies for her dangerous behavior. Why doesn't everyone "just chill, man?" The other housemates try to encourage Ruthie to see this intervention more positively, but she's scared that some dork with a legal pad will solve the enigma that is Ruthie.
She should be even more scared at how her situation is releasing the inner counselor in all her housemates. Such musings about Ruthie's damaging upbringing can only frustrate Ruthie even more. "Those who don't understand Ruthie can never help Ruthie," Matt intones sonorously. Kaia admits, "If I see someone killing themselves, that brings up feelings that I'm not comfortable with."
Even after all this prodding, Ruthie remains taciturn about her problems. Her favorite response is, "I don't want to talk about it." Even when she meets with a Mrs. Garrett doppelganger, Dr. Alathea, to discuss the drunken monkey on her back, she doesn't have too much to say. An encouraging note, however, is that she makes another appointment with the doc.
Also encouraging is Ruthie's and Justin's field trip to beautiful Manoa Falls. Ruthie seems to be getting burned out on club life, and this may ultimately be her salvation. She and Justin seem to get along ok; he calls her "a great little positive light in the house." Will this health kick last? We'll see, mes amis.
And is there a secondary plotline this week? As the little candy heart once said to Charlie Brown, "Forget it, kid!"
Who's Shirtless This Week? Colin turns in his routine two shirtless scenes, but the shocker this week comes from Justin. As of this episode, the only pectoral mysteries left are Amaya and Matt.
Real World Cocktail Recipe of the Week! For a refreshing Ruthie-style daiquiri, you will need the following: Rum. Pour into glass. Drink.
Most Annoying Character? Ruthie feels that the ultimatum offered by Mr. Kunitz can be translated into, "Do this, or die!" Since when was leaving the program fatal? Does that mean that Irene is dead? Puck? Oh my stars.
Next Week: Amaya's having "that problem" with her heart again.
©1999 by Randy Shandis Enterprises. All rights reserved.