Herb.com- Internet Mayoral candidate Randy Shandis was caught in a swirl of controversy today at popular home-remedy web site, Herb.com. When approached by reporters asking about the latest scandal, Shandis was brusque and terse.
"I categorically and vehemently deny the latest allegations coming from my worthy opponent's mouth or butthole, or wherever he's coming up withthis stuff."
Shandis went on to explain that the scandal is overblown, mainly because it never happened. The sources used by the Fozano campaign are of questionable reliability, insisted Shandis. In addition, Shandis implied that the sources were based on other sources who retrieved the information from a note Mr. Shandis left in a high school classmate's yearbook.
"It was not true 24 years ago, and it is not true now."
The Fozano camp insists that the scandal is much more recent, and even introduced two witnesses to reporters this week. These witnesses said they not only were "pretty sure" that Mr. Shandis did what he is accused of doing, but that even if they couldn't be 100% positive, it "was the sort of thing Shandis would do." The witnesses may or may not be Fozano's nieces/lovers.
Before climbing back aboard Mr. Shandis's highly customized campaign bus "Straight Sex Express," which has a twelve foot long waterbed and can refrigerate four kegs to 34 degrees, Shandis again denied the allegations and promised that by next week the incident will have been forgotten as his campaign focuses on the issues, not negative slurs.
"Let's keep this campaign clean. I want to run a campaign hat everyone can be proud of," said Shandis. "Let's get forget the mudslinging and backstabbing and get back to the issues, which are more free pornography and better get-rich-quick schemes."
