Expedia.com - At a stop at the popular travel site Expedia.com between campaign fundraisers, Mayoral Candidate Randy Shandis was confronted by scores of journalists armed with the latest charges from the Fozano campaign. Instead of igniting one of Shandis's infamous temper tantrums, however, the accusation that Mr. Shandis has attempted to rig this year's Academy Awards Ceremony just fizzled.
"That's the best Fozano could do?" laughed Shandis. "Look, somebody was going to rig it, so why not me? I was going to rig it for the people, so all of us could enjoy those stupid awards this year instead of asking why in the world those boneheads in the Academy picked such lousy movies."
Shandis admitted that it would defeat the purpose of the Academy for him to singlehandedly select the winners. But he felt that was an insignificant concern. "Do you really want a bunch of people who like Tom Cruise telling you what movies to see?"
Shandis continued, revealing several of his alternate choices, "Candy Bottoms for best oral scene from 'Sex Robots 3' --what? There is no award for oral sex? Boy, I guess I would have had to really rig them." Shandis also said that he liked none of Best Picture nominees and was going to give that award to "that movie where Julia Roberts took off all her clothes and then there's the earthquake and she's jiggling like you wouldn't believe."
When told that the members of the Academy were demanding Shandis withdraw from the Mayoral election, Shandis laughed so hard he dislodged something from his throat. "The day I do what 5,000 hippies in Hollywood ask is the day I don't want to be mayor. I mean, come on, those idiots can't even make a good comedy and now they think they know how to run the Internet. Have them call me when Ben Affleck's web site doesn't look like third graders built it."
Until then, Shandis said, he'll let them keep making Adam Sandler comedies as long as they leave him and his campaign alone.
