PCMALL.com- After hearing the latest scandal surrounding his opponent in this year's race for Mayor of the Internet, Mayoral Candidate Randy Shandis came out swinging.
"I don't care how 'magizally delicious' they are, Fozano has no right to pilfer the world's quickly depleting supply of marshmallow treats," said Shandis after his own campaign's investigation revealed that Fozano routinely picks out the desirable part of any nutritious breakfast, leaving children with a bowl of unwantedsoggy oat cereal.
Lucky the Leprechaun, official spokesman for the General Mills cereal did not speak on the issue, but released the following statement: "Faith and Begorrah, sure I joke around with the kids about the Lucky Charms, but the wee lads and lasses know I would never deprive them of the their orange stars, yellow moons, green clovers, pink hearts, purple moons, magenta balloons, or blue diamonds. These lucky charms are the only thing we Leprechauns have left to be proud of, and they are all that we have of monetary value." The statement said that the farmers of Ireland have slowly been killing off the tiny, magical people with pesticides, clear-cutting and scythes, leaving the race in danger. "This Fozano, he's a bastard, don't you know?"
Shandis aides showed the press footage of Fozano methodically working his way through box after box of the longtim-favorite cereal in a major supermarket. The candidate would pour the cereal on the dirty ground, pick out the hard, colorful candies, then shovel the cereal back into the boxes. The boxes were then placed back onto the shelves where they were certan to disappoint children who bought them.
The Food and Drug Administration has promised to investigate the charges leveled against Fozano. The FDA allows the Lucky Charms cereal to be called "lucky" because it has a high marshmallow content. If that level were to drop below the lucky threshold, the FDA will downgrade the cereal to "Average Charms," or possible even "Poisonous Charms."
Fozano could not be reached for this comment, but many experts believe that the trace of a multi-colored sticky substance around his mouth spoke volumes.
