Yahoo!- Randy Shandis' campaign did a 180-degree reversal this past week when Randy Shandis stopped a press conference at popular web portal Yahoo! to declare that his campaign is "a sham." He told reporters that the reason he has been tearing down the Fozano campaign is to make himself feel better. "I thought people would like me better this way," he declared before sobbing.
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The new logo for the Randy True-Thousand campaign. |
"What a phony I am," he said, stepping out from behind the podium and dropping his trousers to reveal spindly chicken legs. "I've been going around blasting a perfectly decent, drug-addled alcoholic, and for what? All because I want to be Mayor of the Internet."
Shandis went on to explain that he only wants to be Mayor of the Internet if the people accept him, "warts and all."
"There is a lot of ugly stuff," admitted Shandis, "and I want to get it off my chest. First, the Pope was right not to apologize for World War II atrocities. The Catholic church had nothing to do with them. It was me. All me and I'm sorry. It just seemed like a good idea at the time."
Shandis's Aides handed the press brochures for the new campaign, titled "Randy True-Thousand," and whose slogan is "As Mayor of the Internet, I will do my best as long as I stay interested. But the truth is, I will probably get bored quickly."
Shandis went on to admit a role as an advisor to Idi Amin and Indonesian President Suharto. He also claimed to have fixed the 1919 World Series, created "Suddenly Susan", and broke two plates of his mother's good china, which he blamed on hobos at the time. He promised in upcoming weeks to provide the press with more lies and errors in judgment.
Shandis closed the press conference by saying, "I think this is a positive step, and I challenge Fozano to find more terrible things about me. If elected, I will continue to reveal my dark side. That's a promise."
