Welcome
to Randy Shandis Headquarters
where
you can learn more about this exciting man and his plans for
the Internet, the future, you and your loved ones!
Who is Randy Shandis?
Randy Shandis is considered by everyone to be the only true pioneer of the Internet. In fact, he invented it. In 1994, frustrated by the the limited number of complete idiots on his local Bulletin Board System (BBS), Mr. Shandis decided to create a way for all of the world's complete idiots to share bad ideas, lame jokes and naked pictures of wives. Mr. Shandis started plugging wires into various outlets in his house. The result was a live connection over which one could send data, voice, and even some very small pieces of food.
Mr. Shandis quickly put his invention to use. He built the World's Only Web Site, the Big Empire, using nothing but the labor of local children and developmentally challeged adults. This site is now the world's largest portal for users in second and world nations. Because it is the World's Only web site, it is also the most popular portal for every other World Wide Web purpose, garnering 100% of all traffic, according to the latest report.
It is not an exaggeration to say that no man or woman understands the web and has more power over it than Mr. Randy Shandis.
Why is Randy Shandis Running for Mayor?
Mr. Shandis is running for Mayor because he believes it is not all that it could be. In particular, Mr. shandis promises to improve the Internet in the following ways:
- Less Al "Foz" Fozano
- Imprisonment for any and all people who send non-tittilating junk e-mail
- Sites advertising free pornography will have to provide free pornography
- Sites not advertising free pornography will have to provide free pornography
- Software you have to pay money for in the store will be free by downloading it
- Online gambling will come with a guaranteed "no lose" promise, so everyone is a winner
- There will be a reverse tax on online purchases, where a percentage of the price paid for anything over the Internet is given back to the consumer
- Another percentage of all online purchases will be sent to the Mayor's office for his "Improvement Slush Fund"
- The Internet will be made faster, through the use of magic
- AOL's access to the Internet will be revoked and its users will have to use only its pre-programmed channels of crap
- Microsoft's corporate web site will be converted into a clearinghouse for unwanted furniture
- More to come. Mr. Shandis will gladly make campaign promises to make you happy, no matter what they are. He will work harder and lie more than his opponent to win your vote! What would you like him to support?
Shandis is my Man! How can I help?
Post the following campaign sticker on your site, and link it to http://www.bigempire.com/decision. If you post it and tell us where to see it, we will send you a real "Shandis For Internet Mayor" sticker as soon as we get them made.
